which came first the chicken or the dickhead?

I missed sawnas moving to san diego party last night. fell asleep and am a shit friend.

besides that, been having many good days/nights consecutively. on wednesday i went to uptown with my mom in the evening and we bought some unreasonably expensive olives. then i drove to laurel canyon and picked up dawn kelley and katherine and we went to temporary spaces. they were charging guys 5 dollars to get in because it was lesbian night and spencer oliver and jeremy didnt want to pay so we went to the gold room in echo park instead. i didnt mind because that gave me more opportunity to smoke. i felt so loopy at the bar my head was spinning. at around 1:55 they turned the lights on and can i just say that i hate when that happens. its very awkward and thats probably one of the only plus sides of the frog pond because they never do that, they just yell for everyone to get the fuck out. we waited for ages outside for kelley to come out because she was still inside with jeremy, and all i could smell was sketch dogs and body odor and my head was still spinning.

on thursday night susan katherine laine and i went out to dinner with amys mom, becky. i wore a dress i bought that day.

yours is the only ocean

still knackered, keeping conscious to listen to humbug. so far so big!

was asked today by a near stranger if i believe in God. In general I am bewildered when people want to discuss religion. even then I try and answer truthfully and honestly, that yes i believe in a creator of the universe. you would think that would be the end of discussion, but no it never is.

do you believe in jesus christ the son of god who died on the cross for sin mine and yours and his and hers? because then and only then is your sould saved from eternal damnation and a seat in satans den.
is that even a question? or a threat. i guess that was always my beef with the religion i was lucky enough to recieve 16 years education in. i looked around at my fellow 9 year old catechism classmates wondering if they too prayed the hail mary out of pure fear. as hard as i tried to accept religion and make it a part of my life, it was increasingly difficult answer the questions i had, feeling that many of the people whom i shared a pew with were merely posturing. and the psychos on television using the holy bible to spread hate and pass judgement on "sinners". surely, though we were all christians, we couldn't possibly be of the same religion. no way.

so for the past few years, i've walked around basically without religion and not really feeling particularly spiritual or faithful. more recently i've been feeling like my relationship with my surroundings and how i relate to humans and animals is what makes me feel connected to a higher power. im so down for that!

the whole world loves it when you don't get down

So tired. all of the time. i literally can fall asleep anytime anywhere. i really need to go and see inglourius basterds but im afraid i'll fall asleep like i did at twilight and harry potter.

september is in 6 days. shiiit.

And Im not the kind that likes to tell you just what i want to do

what i needed most is a week of change and i got what i needed. on monday i started bikram yoga with katherine and now we are both hooked. its yoga practiced in a 110 degree room, and its extremely humid, sticky, and smelly. the best part is that you notice none of this once you actually begin the poses and you leave feeling as if you just exited a swimming pool and got a full body massage. magic! kath said they did one of the breathing exercises at the devendra banhart video shoot and that the guys said you get high from it. not magic!

On friday we all found out that saturday would be jacobs last day. i talked with him about it for an hour or so, and thought silently about how it will affect the rest of us. i told him we would probably fall apart without him and he nodded and said "i know". he didnt need to tell me that this was a great opportunity yadda yadda yadda. im not happy about it.

susan and melissa and i went to see the dodos at the getty for free. apparently melissa NEVER dances but she was wasted so she did. her dress was falling off and no one else was dancing but we didnt care. she exclaimed loudly that "these people took the TRAM up this giant hill and theyre just standing here with their arms crossed! TOO COOL!" that made me laugh because doesnt that always happen? seems like it. afterwards susan and i met up with cflo and dj and went to thai town. we took sunset all the way because the freeway was packed and drove through westwood and bel air. at the restaurant susan suggested we get papaya salad which is super delicious and she said laotian people are obsessed with it. its so fun going out to eat with her.

so saturday i went to get a haircut and ended up chopping off a foot or so. i don't even care! as i walked through uptown after to get some candy (they have some crazy sweets in that shop...a peanut butter stick covered in coconut!), i felt so pleased. this time one month ago i would have shuddered at the thought. im feeling really open to new things.