She was close. close enough to be your ghost

Today is Briana's birthday so we celebrated last night at the continental. peanut butter wolf was supposed to dj but didn't.
so i picked up sharnae and laine and we went super early so they had no problem getting in with their fake ids. we chugged vodamin water on the way there and got pretty trashed. they both wore pairs of my huge high heels and thought they were gonna eat shit every minute. for some reason the dumb waitress wanted to kick lainey out. she probably would have had a riot on her hands because we were mobbing that place.
anyhow, i was late coming home as a result and my mom lost her rag AGAIN. she felt guilty because she text me asking farmers market?. i said yes of course and i can't wait to go and get more bean sprouts and strawberries. last time she got crazy and yelled at me her guilt got me a sewing machine and a trip to aruba (november woo!). but the farmer's market is good too.
today i cleaned my house from top to bottom and did laundry. and it felt like therapy.

which came first the chicken or the dickhead?

I missed sawnas moving to san diego party last night. fell asleep and am a shit friend.

besides that, been having many good days/nights consecutively. on wednesday i went to uptown with my mom in the evening and we bought some unreasonably expensive olives. then i drove to laurel canyon and picked up dawn kelley and katherine and we went to temporary spaces. they were charging guys 5 dollars to get in because it was lesbian night and spencer oliver and jeremy didnt want to pay so we went to the gold room in echo park instead. i didnt mind because that gave me more opportunity to smoke. i felt so loopy at the bar my head was spinning. at around 1:55 they turned the lights on and can i just say that i hate when that happens. its very awkward and thats probably one of the only plus sides of the frog pond because they never do that, they just yell for everyone to get the fuck out. we waited for ages outside for kelley to come out because she was still inside with jeremy, and all i could smell was sketch dogs and body odor and my head was still spinning.

on thursday night susan katherine laine and i went out to dinner with amys mom, becky. i wore a dress i bought that day.

yours is the only ocean

still knackered, keeping conscious to listen to humbug. so far so big!

was asked today by a near stranger if i believe in God. In general I am bewildered when people want to discuss religion. even then I try and answer truthfully and honestly, that yes i believe in a creator of the universe. you would think that would be the end of discussion, but no it never is.

do you believe in jesus christ the son of god who died on the cross for sin mine and yours and his and hers? because then and only then is your sould saved from eternal damnation and a seat in satans den.
is that even a question? or a threat. i guess that was always my beef with the religion i was lucky enough to recieve 16 years education in. i looked around at my fellow 9 year old catechism classmates wondering if they too prayed the hail mary out of pure fear. as hard as i tried to accept religion and make it a part of my life, it was increasingly difficult answer the questions i had, feeling that many of the people whom i shared a pew with were merely posturing. and the psychos on television using the holy bible to spread hate and pass judgement on "sinners". surely, though we were all christians, we couldn't possibly be of the same religion. no way.

so for the past few years, i've walked around basically without religion and not really feeling particularly spiritual or faithful. more recently i've been feeling like my relationship with my surroundings and how i relate to humans and animals is what makes me feel connected to a higher power. im so down for that!

the whole world loves it when you don't get down

So tired. all of the time. i literally can fall asleep anytime anywhere. i really need to go and see inglourius basterds but im afraid i'll fall asleep like i did at twilight and harry potter.

september is in 6 days. shiiit.

And Im not the kind that likes to tell you just what i want to do

what i needed most is a week of change and i got what i needed. on monday i started bikram yoga with katherine and now we are both hooked. its yoga practiced in a 110 degree room, and its extremely humid, sticky, and smelly. the best part is that you notice none of this once you actually begin the poses and you leave feeling as if you just exited a swimming pool and got a full body massage. magic! kath said they did one of the breathing exercises at the devendra banhart video shoot and that the guys said you get high from it. not magic!

On friday we all found out that saturday would be jacobs last day. i talked with him about it for an hour or so, and thought silently about how it will affect the rest of us. i told him we would probably fall apart without him and he nodded and said "i know". he didnt need to tell me that this was a great opportunity yadda yadda yadda. im not happy about it.

susan and melissa and i went to see the dodos at the getty for free. apparently melissa NEVER dances but she was wasted so she did. her dress was falling off and no one else was dancing but we didnt care. she exclaimed loudly that "these people took the TRAM up this giant hill and theyre just standing here with their arms crossed! TOO COOL!" that made me laugh because doesnt that always happen? seems like it. afterwards susan and i met up with cflo and dj and went to thai town. we took sunset all the way because the freeway was packed and drove through westwood and bel air. at the restaurant susan suggested we get papaya salad which is super delicious and she said laotian people are obsessed with it. its so fun going out to eat with her.

so saturday i went to get a haircut and ended up chopping off a foot or so. i don't even care! as i walked through uptown after to get some candy (they have some crazy sweets in that shop...a peanut butter stick covered in coconut!), i felt so pleased. this time one month ago i would have shuddered at the thought. im feeling really open to new things.

Time will tell who has fell and who's been left behind

This was taken at the Italian restaurant in Berlin where the waiter pretended to know Italian and Amy discovered he was lying (dun dun DUN) and he proceeded to ask Briana if she would accompany him to the "disco". "NEIN".
the steps of the church adjacent to the museum area...my memory for names is the worst these days.

Amsterdam! This is the first day which started out looking very bleak but ended up being one of the best days in europe.

during the day we went to a few coffeeshops, beginning at smokey's, because it opened an hour earlier than the rest. Everywhere in Amsterdam seems to open at 11 am or after, which is awful for early risers like me. i especially woke up early in europe because i woke up excited every morning, unfortunately for kath who woke up grumpy every morning. HAHA.

these are all of her, because she was the only person with me! This are all by the canal, which was lined by bicycles. It was so tiny compared the canal we would always walk to in Berlin.

Can you even believe these were taken around midnight? Look at how bright the sky is!

Then she saw Bob, so I let them have their privacy.

the promise i made is starting to fade

Oh my gosh. Paul from London wrote to me. I was so nervous and excited to read it that I waited all day long, even though I knew it was sitting in my inbox shouting open me. I recieved it when I was walking to Albertson's from Katherines to get fruit and coffee. When I was buying the coffee the barista caught me totally off-guard when he asked me what I was listening to on my iPod. I forgot I was even wearing it so I just stared at him bewildered for a few seconds before stuttering an answer and shuffling off as quickly as I could. Pun intended. Then I drove to newport beach. The water was gloriously warm and it was overall perfect. I couldn't fall asleep because of the coffee, so I left after only 4 hours.

Last night was a successful return to the watering hole aka the continental. So many familiar faces and it was actually a very amusing time even though I didn't touch JD or GG. An acheivement in itself really.We all decided we're going to get matching nameplate knuckle rings. When I mentioned that "Christina" would fit across all of my puny knuckles, Briana looked at me dangerously and said "NO. it has to say ninah". I love her.